I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I need help removing her.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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