yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
