it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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