He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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