you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
