My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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