He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
