laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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