He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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