Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
