And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
