you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
