goodnight i made you a song goodbye
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
