Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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