You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
