Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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