i just had sex bonerless
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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