from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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