By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
