my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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