I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
