Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
