I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
