no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
