i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
