She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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