I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
