saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It was confusing and full of hummus
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
