24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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