does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
