Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This is classic penis vs brain.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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