this beer tastes like vomit already
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
