hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
