Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
