I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
