Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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