32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
