trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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