If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
