I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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