so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
its not stalking. its research.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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