After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
