Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
