She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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