I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
