remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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