Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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