What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
