I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
