i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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