sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
