eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
