I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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